I’ve found my perfect therapy. Doing what I love the most.. photography. It’ll help me deal with my emotions and allow me to express myself. I have decided to start a 365 once more.. (thank you Ashley, thank you Conor Oberst). I’m looking forward to this & I can’t think of a better thing I could do to feel better.
Today in philosophy I got really happy.
What do you have to do to live a better life?
1. There is no room for hatred in my heart.
I’ve been trying to live by this for the past week and the topic couldn’t have come up at more appropriate time.
2. No regrets.
3. Being happy with the way I am.
Those three things are the most important to me. There are other things..but those are the three things that I really need to drill into my heart and mind right now.
I need to feel beautiful and loved again..
I’m trying :)
well that was successful. My mom just left to work and I’m all wrapped up in my warm bed. The only thing that really sucks though is the fact that I actually do really feel very sick. I keep throwing up a little every 10 mins. “glenda, are you pregnant?” are you fucking kidding me? “its my anxiety mom. It’s physically affecting me” “anxiety isn’t real, that’s an excuse. i don’t know what type of things you’re involved inmehmehmeeeh..stop worrying about stupid shit like boys and worry only about school. im calling you in and saying you’re not going because you’re lazy.” “kay mom, love ya thaanks.” she’s right though..well somewhat. Anxiety is real that’s why I’m going to go get drugs from a fuckin psychiatrist today. I do need to stop worrying bout 15-16 year old puppies. I’ve been so heartbroken, especially this past week, crying like a baby, trying to fix things that can’t be fixed..been feelin guilty and so depressed.. Holding on to happy memories.. Feelin nostalgia… Ya know. Everything that comes with break ups.. Last night after a melt down.. I really grasped a mature understanding of things. I thank you Chris for the deep breathe exercises as I cried so desperately like a baby haha and reminding me of things I already know. This is high school.. Haha. So fucking lame. I have so much ocean to explore, people to meet, dolphins to meet, guatemalan babies to save and pictures to take. Six months of being 16 means a piece of goatshit to my life. I’m not saying it’s all shit, some was shit haha some was amazing & it’ll forever be in my heart. No one can honestly be in a relationship right now and truly believe in the word forever. I think I always knew that but when kids are in a relationship it’s hard to see clearly. Another thing that he put some wekl together was pointing out the fact thaat you can’t truly hate anyone at this age. Everyone is retarded and is out to make decisions for their own. Including yourself..& when you wanna be happy you fight for that.. Your intentions are nevr to hurt someone. That’s so true. I say “oh I hate him for dressing like an athlete douche” but that kid couldve gotten molested for all I know and I honestly don’t hate him. Michael couldve lied to me a and he hurt mee and all..but he’s 15. I can’t hold a grudge on a 15 year old who doesn’t know what he wants un life. Pf. People can “hate” me, call mme a bitch, a cunt liar but my I tention was never to hurt. I’m done feeling bad for myself in that sense. Woo. That was a lot. I needed to get that out. ion another note..i should prolly be productive today and take stupid pictured haha.