MANGO.

I hate this school, like really. Almost every single teacher is a bitch, not to mention the fucking hall monitors who constantly yell, “ESSCUSIE ME MISS YOU  HAVE PASS?!” fuck, I have to go take a piss, I DON’T NEED A PASS. I’m so angry so I’m gonna bitch a little about school just to release it before I start vigourously working on make up homework. First of all what the fuck is the point of coming to school for SENIOR FINALS? I could be home, getting a nice sleep, waking up and being productive.. but no I wake up tired as fuck, get yelled at by my mom and her douche “husband” for no real reason. Then I come to school in the worst possible mood, get to first period.. English with Ms. Flembitch, we’re watching a movie. I didn’t bring in my slip because I was planning on going to the library and work on stuff because kids in her class yesterday got to do so. She gives a kid a pass to go to the library, I ask her for one and she says, “NOOO”. Are you kidding??! @##$$

“Glenda, you go out in the hallway and sit for two periods, byebye :)”

pffff.

I got up, sarcastically smiled and snapped an “ok” at her. I grabbed my stuff got upp..

“take a desk if you want”

Ignored her, as I walked out I said “fuck this” and went straight to the library.

ok, I shouldn’t have said that, I might get in trouble actually I know I will, but I don’t give a fuck honestly. She can send me to the dean, they can give me a detention, I don’t care.

It’d be unfair to punish me for wanting to go work on homework, I have so much homework I probably won’t sleep at all, this week determines wether I fail classes or not because I decided to be lazy & not do anything..I’m trying to make up for it, she can be a bitch but I’m not going to waste two hours there staring at ugly ass lockers.

Why are the people that have an impact on my future and life have to be bitches?

ugh.

ok, I’m done, I’ve got a lot of work to do.

“the bean”. It’s such a cliche to take a picture of this, but I love this one. Probably because there’s no people and it’s night time, when the chicago skyline looks stunning. I ran away from home this day, for the time ever I went somewhere, alone, far away.. on a school night haha. I was feeling so overwhelmed with everything I had to get out of Elmhurst (suburb I live in), so I got on the train all alone and went to the city, with no idea of where I was going, or what time I would be back, it was starting to get dark when I got on the train. It was cold, I was underdressed.. it felt so good though. As I walked the streets of the city I felt two things, excitement and..well I felt very sad and overwhelmed. I was excited because I couldn’t wait for a year more to be able to walk those streets at that time and be making my way home.. to a nice warm home :) I was sad because I couldn’t do that now and then..I felt like I had no home. I had no home to go to. No one to greet me with a kiss on the cheek when I got home.. I was alone. Sometimes I really feel like I have no home..

This won’t be depressing haha

So pointless coming to school today haha but whatever. I’m excited for the school day to be over, Mah frens & I are driving over to wicker in Grace’s new convertible ;)We’re gonna shop then go to sean’s for a while. It’s lovely outside & I’m feeling good today.

I’m really proud of myself because I’ve made it to day 14 in my 365.. I think last time I stopped at 17 maybe? I feel successful & I’m excited to see what my future holds. Last night I was putting in all my recent pictures in my photo album & I got really happy. Everything looked so good next to each other, & I was smiling because there’s so much more for me to take. I can’t wait for the end of this and be able to look at 365 pictures I put my wittle heart in, it honestly is my diary &.. I think the therapy is working. I’m glad the art show is over cause that’s kinda stressful, I didn’t even get to go yesterday but I heard I won 8th place in best in show, so I feel proud of myself hehe.

Summer is only a couple weeks away and even though I have to go to summer school I’m still super psyched for all the adventures I will have.

hm, I actually love this moment.

I don’t know why I’m sad.

hah. ok.. well I do.. but it’s stupid. I don’t want to be sad. I just keep repeating that in my head, nothing is changing though.

There’s so much pressure, I find myself gasping for air when I lay down.

I’m thinking like a coward because I want to run away, I want to move. Truth is I could easily go to a different country, I could run away. Greet different problems and different big lonely beds.. but there’s a little light that smacks me in the face and tells me I’m beautiful and better things are in the future. It’s that little light that keeps me on this hard hard dangerous road.. It’s not that dangerous.. I just keep taking bad shortcuts.

I’m trying to understand the fact that I can’t control everything. I can’t change people, I can’t go back in time or go forward.. I can only live in the present and live for myself. Being sad because of what people say to me, do to me..or don’t say to me.. is useless. It’s not going to change anything.

I’m disappointed with myself..with my parents, with..

I’m not a bad person.. ?

I expect too much out of people. I shouldn’t. Especially not people my age or younger. We’re all too unpredictable and selfish. No one at this age really knows much..as much as they think they do.

It’s stupid to feel the way I do, I’m so young. ugh teen angst. Gross :)

I like to talk to myself in the mirror, have you ever done it? It can make you feel better.

“I’m not a princess. I’m not a goddess. I’m.. just a girl. I’m just a girl that will do amazing things in life.”